Sunday, September 11, 2005
at home~?

wow~~i'm home~~~haha!! never went out the whole day today~~~just stay put in the guest room all day long~~~i've been playing the guitar for the whole day~~~well not really the whole day..but yea~~~so i practise my strumming skills~its kinda hard to get the impression~~~but at last...i got it..well...not really but just a bit~~it can do for the mean time...

well after that i just started playing some songs~~tried to play doraemon~~~but it sounded funny~HAHAHAHA!!! well i tried to get the impression of the song simple and clean...but this time i cant..guess the feeling not really there~~

my gutiar is black~~guess it says everything...i love black~~HAHAHAHA!!! gonna decorate my guitar though~~~hehe~~well...the quiet...ah serenity~~~~hehe~~~alone la~~~what else~~~sheesh~ i also dunno what i'm talking about...just letting my fingers go running~~~hehe~~~well i think alot that good or bad? i feel ok..i guess~~~nothing wrong~~~

only only bringing up the past in my mind~~i think~~~i kept thinking why god create me~~~i'm kinda useless~~when i thought about it~~~what good did i bring anyways~? i dont have a really good brain~~i didnt ace my tests~~not physically good~~i'm kinda fun~~~yea...i'm bringing up all the negative side~~hehe~~this is new topic i guess~~yea a new topic~~wow~~~

hmmm...i'm not even playing in guitar kinda suck~~~singing also not good~~i look ugly and old~~haha~~i've hurt too many ppl already~~~thinking back on the ppl i've heard..i guess most of them are girls~~~wow~~i guess i dont really deserve to live...i've deserted too many ppl~~haha~~well all for my own good and their's too~~~

well...i'm suppose to be dead now~~~yea~~the only reason for me to live is because...god is trying to torture me by giving me more challenges i guess~i've lost a friend..but uncover his true face~shouldve known better..why was i so blind? i tihnk i know why~~guess that time i was in a dilemma~~

right now...i i in a dilemma or not~? ....i guess so~~wait...not sure~~i'm lost man~~how la~~right now as i am typing i am just talking to myself...right now i have money problems...yes money problems..not so big~~i can survive not eating food for a couple of weeks~~its kinda fine that way i guess~~train my mind and soul~~right now my mind is kinda disrupted~~not sad...just...sober~~i can laugh and whatever la~~haha! sheesh~~really weird~~~i keep on playing funny songs~~songs which i thought i couldnt even play on the guitar~~

i keep on singing sad songs~~i guess they're enjoyable~~i to feel sad~~sad ppl is when they cry right? but...tears came out from my eyes~~while playing songs~~how can~? did i just feel sad? it cant be~~~probably i hate myself~~or..just too lonely~~my friends didnt call me for outing~~so i didnt went out...i feel lazy to go out because car no petrol~~so staying at home is like waiting for a bomb to go off~~~

i always wonder off alone by myself~~i even wonder why...why go alone when i have friends? i prefer to be alone ka~? i not sure~~~maybe i feel too hurt~~i also not sure...even i myself dont really have the answers~~maybe the answer is love~? ka...right now its causing someone feeling troubled i guess~~~i keep causing trouble~~making ppl feel uneasy~~why? i cant go back to the dark~~right now i'm half the darkness and light~~i tihnk...or i carry both of them completely~~i'm just typing crap right now am i~? well...too bad for this blog~~my fingers just keeps on running by itself till my brain go jam~~haha~~which means i have nothing left to say in my head~~~

ppl exists for a purpose right? what purpose do i have~? what kind~? i remember in pri school...and up till now i've been different~~always be different from the others~~hisham is always kind of suffering because of love life~~what about me~? i guess i got kena alot too~~~am i causing trouble again~? god is being not fair~~hisham doesnt really suffer because of family..his main crisis is love~~what about me~? from small till now also every year sure got some stupid thing will happen~~why did you have to take things away from me~? my car~~aunty~~you nearly took away my dad~~you want me to die of heart attack ka~?

keep of tihnking and i will masuk hospital again~~~like last year~~how come~? too many voices in my head~~too many images~~it crashes my thoughts~~my way of thinking~~~is this what you call cubaan allah ka~? you cant give me peace is it~? my family is now suffering from money crisis~~you think its funny ka~? got has his purpose of putting fate together~~maybe after all this...things will turn out good~? i not sure~~~i'm being no fun right now~~i not sure about to go to college...i dont feel like going~~but...i have to go...i have my responsibilities of giving out the discussion for malaysian studies~~i have to study~~~i have to be happy as usual~~and most important~~not making someone worry~~ see all my friends...they are all well off...they're looking~good i sports~~intellectual~~what do i have~? nothing much in me~~i'm being immature by bringing up this immature thoughts of myself~~haha! yes~~its kinda nice to bring it up i think~~i always think positive~~just once i wanna be negative~~maybe i'll always be one~? always mood go sunway ball la~~no money at all~

hmm...typing this whole things out...a bit too much..i'm whining like a small brat~~haha~~i tihnk the song..that i dreamt...and heard in reality...makes me the heck did i know the song~? it is from the can it be i though of the song before? i tihnk i heard it when i was a lil kid~~not sure~~a black memory box is not worth opening i guess~~~right now my fingers are still running by it self~~will it ever stop~? i hope it will~~i feeling stupid~~typing without using my brains and typing useless thoughts from deep inside~~hehe~~~

today's been nothing more than an active day in college~~its so damn empty~~i'm confuse by my thoughts~~wow~~~twisted my own brain~~~thats...something not really new i guess~~haha~~~
is it just me or is the room warm~? i think its me~~haha! no fair~~why give me such a very warm body? aiyo la today~~i accidently slash my self while doing a sword trick~~dang~~~oh well no big la~~~can heal within a week i guess~~~what else happen today~~~oh cartoons~~as usual...cant live without them~~~i rarely touch my ps2~~yea~~~the only time i played a ps2 was in jess's house~~

hmmm...what else~~i guess today i did nothing really...just surf the net and type things out~~the most is only playing guitar in the room~~fingers hurting~~well its worth it~~i figure out my chord switching turned rusty and bad~~sheesh~~~now the only thing is to figure out how to fix my laptop~~its being a pain le~~~haha~~and i wonder what to do tomorrow in college~~well i guess its always the usual stuff~~hehe~~~ my brain has nothing to say already~~its all good to go~~haha!! so...bai bai~~hehe~

Posted at 09:34 pm by Shinko
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another day another.....something~ only wanna update...picked such a funny time to update huh~~haha! well i'm kinda bang up now..but who cares~~so..yesteday...yea i'll start off with yesterday la~~haha~~well...i got up in the morning as usual i guess...and get my ass to jess's place in setapak~~~well it is kind of a fun ride until....i met with the taxi guy...who uses the long way to get to the condo and spend more money...f*rker~~wanna argue about race pulak~~

malay race couple with chinese race seems weird? well..if that didnt happen i wouldnt be here la~~he's thinking is damn cacat....complain about us malay ppl that our english suck~~well some anyways~~some just try to be glamorous and act cool~~~some guys just want to impress the hot chicks~~well..this taxi thing that ticks me off is that his english lagi suck la~~wanna talk some i sengaja use damn perfect english~zha him~~~

well..when i reach..i was quite happy...yea..the taxi guy go off~~~hehe~~~well...what i did in her house...well...we played hw~~~~did some...talking of course~~erm.....then what else? ouh~~~after that...i kinda saw something...then...after that we went to klcc pay her bills~~yep~~then after that we walk around klcc...then went back...then i guess i went to sleep~~yea...i slept long man~~gila...and we were kinda late for her guardian~

so we drove to her guardian's place to eat nasi lemak did talk alot~~~i got to know more about the uncle...funny how we came to the topic about business and struggles~basically i ate alot at their place~~~i didnt really pay for it~~~i feel damn bad about it~~~~and her guardian tapau food for her~~haha! least she got something to eat later on~

well..after that we went back to her place...i took some of her stuff back to my place...well...after i went back home...i bath and chatted online~~~wow~~~chatted until like...5am~~guess i was a bit hyper~ if can...i dont wanna show my fun la~~~aih~~must be funny to make ppl laugh~~nowadays i;ve been thinking alot~~not knowingly la~~haha! oh...and i cant tell which is minor or major problem....guess i'm turning more heartless~i cant really feel pressure from the problems which i think it is a problem~~i lso dunno what i'm thinking about...i just let my fingers run through as i should do in here~haha! when i type finish i sure wont look back at it man~~~hehe~

i also dunno whats gonna happen to me~~i;ve gone sober man~~not sad or whatever..maybe it is...but i dunno~~hmmm...dunno la~~haha! its like nothign only~~~i also not sure~~which is which~? oh ya...i chatted with jess until very interesting i guess~~~i got carried away by typing too seriously and pump in alot of facts~~now she knows i'm an ass~? how can now i be like this? no fun~~

well...after that i slept for only....2 hours...i think less than that...who cares...get dizzy get dizzy la~ up...very fine~~~very nice~~~i watch the simpsons trying to laugh my butt off~which i did~~damn funny la~~well after that hisham called me telling me about the outing in pyramid~~i told him my car no petrol and my parents are out~~yea~~no money to fuel up my car man~~~chi sin~~so terpaksa la...ask help from him to pick me up~~~and some more we can talk on the way to pyramid~~talk till damn serious only~~wahlau man~~~we still crap~~but dunno la~~like biasa only~~normal la normal~~~

after all that...we just reach pyramid~~ahh~~~pyramid....such a lovely place~~whatever la~~well we met up with yan shan...wai keat...kian guan and henry~~yea henry scold me abit forgot his number~~haha! sorry la..i lupa save~~well...all of us in one group...kinda funny i guess~~~we never really have outings like this until today~~then later we spot jing theng~~she not wearing specs now...look damn different~~haha! well..after that we crap...and saw charles...he soclded me never reply his sms~~~aih...damn tension man~~haha! out of nowhere he got moody...farker la~~really farked up~~he is just too sensitive on things~~~he gave out the damn hatred aura~i really farking hate it sensing this kind of thing especially from him~~~he told us in our chats with the gang last week "remember how we use to be childish in all our previous chats? talking about those kiddy stuff" goes something like that~~it really got me ticked off abit though~~~

but then today just remembering it got me really ticked off~~but i still had fun~~~haha~~well we ate...and then yau fei came....this guy damn asshole~~~fei hai~~his presence really cause up quite a disturbance~~haha~~~bet charles feels damn uneasy about it~~he went to toilet lots of times~yau fei try to buddy up i guess~~but out table and sitting position~we sit in a way that we estimate him to choose a chair which is far from us~~so we can have a fun time of our own~~

well...we ate the food...the main food sucks...the desserts were the god...too sweet~~i can die happy now~~haha!! well...we have to pay 32 bucks in the end~~kinda sucky....well after that we play arcade~oh boy..aracde was fun man~~~i see kian guan always keep winngin yan shan in hockey table~~then i got bored and drag hisham to play with me...and i won him~~so and kian guan decided to play...we were like "JUST BRING IT ON!!" haha!! that was damn funny~~then we started playing like mad~~the effects of playing like kung fu only~~HAHAHA!! our eyes too focus and sharp...offense and defense also damn good~~~all our friends were mesmerize by our spirit of trying to trash each other~~haha!! it was a long battle...the most fun one i ever had~~HAAHAHAH!!! we were hyper man~~after we score a point we were shouting like mad~~everytime the ball fly here and there~~~

haha...then the next table also playing hockey table...i was laughing away talking~~when suddely a hockey puck went flying in a direction towards my face~~i just smile and avoid it like matrix! HAHAHAAHAHAH!!! all my friends started laughing cause my reaction was damn relaxed and i was still smiling and laughing~~ hahhahaha!!! didnt know my eyes can reach that limit of seeing the object's fast movements~~well after that charles just went back...he told us "i'm going back...bye" we were like "bye" he only told that to me and yan shan and

well...after that we went out and decided to see lilian off for one last time before we got seperated~~then me henry and hisham and kian guan just talk and talk...mostly about yau fei~~cause he's the dumbass who doesnt know the meaning of friends~~he's just an ass who uses ppl only~~~so this guy...i wont make any business with him no matter how high is the profit~or the chances of having good connections with the famous ppl~~~just hope he dies~

well..after all that~~~we still keep on talking...i was the quiet one there i guess~~~they laugh i also laugh at their jokes...but i didnt really say anything i guess~~i was flicking and playing with my guitar pick~~probably too many thoughts ran through my head~~hahah!! thinking of the excitenment of hockey i guess~~~hahah! after that we walk around some more..drop henry off with my other friends..and we ciow back hoome~~~well not and hisham went back to hisham's house~~play guitar a while~~then he showed me the games la~~i was kinda blur that time to listen~~but i did remmeber what he said anyways~~just dunno what to say back only~~too quiet suddenly~~well...after that he sent me back la~~we talked on the way back....i sound so blur...but sound serious as well~~wow~~~what happening to me la~~i think too much hockey~haha! play until siao man~~too many games~~until super tired~

well...hisham and i did talk about a few things though~~~so...after he sent me back home..i also dunno what to i watched the simpsons again to make myself laugh~then after that..i play my guitar...i was feeling sober~~dunno why the hell~ so i just paly my gutiar....just now in hisham's house i trying to play utada hikaru-simple and clean..but i dunno the chords...some more didnt sing...but at home...feeling sober..funny right? well...i simply play the chords and time i cant hit some notes...but i suddenly have power to was kinda strange...i guess i can sing that song when i feel nothing~? hahahaha!!!! thats bad or good~? maybe i should learn how to sing it anytime anywhere~~haha!! well....after all that...i slept for fifteen minutes and got my butt up again~~~i didnt play any games...was just messing with my guitar~~trying to figure out the chords i play just now~~~i felt funny for a while~~~too many thoughts ran through~not really thoughts~~

but just for a while...i've been daydreaming i guess~~suddenly this music came into my mind~~i start playing on the guitar~~~it sounded...quite soothing...but sad? i think~~~~i heard it somewhere before~~~probably its in a dream~~~how feels funny~~~~i'm not sure what i'm telling myself~~or thinking~~~probably i suffered too much? but suffered from what? my dreams now are all black~~~i dont want to remember them~~i dont want to sleep~its funny~~~it feels funny~~~all i know is...."kikoeru ka? kono yami no koe?" my line~~haha~~if my dreams...if i remember them....then its something funny i guess~~hahah!! eh...dunno waht i'm talking about now~~~oh...wait my fingers arent typing by itself anymore~~oh well...i stop here la~~~hehe~~~

bai bai~~~~

Posted at 01:03 am by Shinko
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Thursday, September 08, 2005
update..............repeated~aih~let my fingers do the talking~

ok ok...i update...again....damn lazy la...after i terpressed the "escape" button~~i was like "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" then i go "ah~~~whatever la!"

ok...yesterday...the day was fun~i got up early in the morning to start my day~~i bath~~~put on some clothes..and was ready to go out to meet jess in setapak~but guess what i found out~? my friggin car was missing~~~aduh man~~~that really burns~my timing all hancur~so i have to think again from scratch~~

when i got the car..i fought the jam like mad~~~trying to get to the ktm station~~it took quite a while to get there~~but i made it alright~~well when i reach there.i swiped my touch and go card...just when i swipe it..i saw the train coming already~~then i panicked and started dashing~sprint like mad~~~i saw the girls on the other side like pointing only in excitement that a guy was running like mad~

well i made it...before the door close on me~~haha!! that was too close for comfort~i sprained my back on the way~~yea..the heavy load on my back~~~ouch man~~i manage to sit down and close my eyes to sleep...then when i reach kl centrall...i dash again to the lrt~~haha! made it on time~~but the place was full man~~~geez~i thought it will be at least abit quiet though~~~i reach jess's place in time~~~only to find that..she isnt there...haha~~i kinda guess she's not in just by looking at the door~~~

then jess made it back home...with nasi lemak~~it was tasty~~but...alot~~why? she dump some of her rice into my plate~~hahaha!! then there was fogging..when the fogging came to our place...we hide the food in the fridge~whne it was finish...we took it out and was cold~~haha!! no longer hot...

after that...we didnt know what to do...we went online...i showed her some stuff~~and all~~then after that...see some pictures~her pics are so cute la~~haha!! damn cute~~~her form 3 pics were so adorable~she say she's fat~~but i dont think so~~she's pretty also le~~her sleeping face is so damn cute~~hahaha!! next time i take phone was far away to take her picture! dang~~~nvm~~~next time next time~~~for sure!

well we practically have the whole house to ourselves~~how cool is that~? i never stayed over at a girl's place for that long before~~i feel calm around the house~~kinda different compare to my home though~well we did work~~i was kinda blur at doing maths~~~physics lagi la blur~~econs? lagi lagi la blur~~at least i did achieve something in doing maths~~like completing the question i thought were hard~

after all that...its finally time to take her sister's car out for a stranger driving the sister's car~~ooooooo~~well i always wanted to drive a wira~~so it was cool`~hehe~~i had to get used to the car~~the accelerator was not as powerful like my my sense of power got messed up quite a bit~~the brakes were fine~~it took me a while to find its perfect braking point~the size of the car? well...since i've driven the perdana~~it was quite ok...the mirrors? the left mirror was ok...but the right one kind of irritated my eyes~ the suspension of the car was ok...the steering was balanced~everything ok...except....the fuel gauge...god..its hard to tell whether i can trust that thing or not~~haha! well...but i do know one thing...when i hit a certain speed limit~~the gauge will automatically go up~~~thats my hypothesis la~~

after we exit jess's condo~~we head off to buy petrol~~and then we try the map that she drew and planned out~~she gave me the instructions~~but we kinda got lost at the first try~haha~~have to use my sense of direction to get us back to the starting point~~when we got kinda lost a dd she stress like what~~i'm the one driving la dear~~not you~haha

it took a few tries to get around the area though~~the instructions she gae me were pretty have to play fill in the blanks and think of the roads~~well..she did call her guardian about the roads~~so i guess i just have to rely on how jess explain things to me for a while~~so incase she did fall a sleep~~i can just roughly guess the roads~~haha! reminds me of last time when i got lost in kl~ahhh~~~the times i got lost in kl~~~~poor me~~~saw the cows crossing the road~HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well we were pretty much amaze by the road to near rawang town~~haha!! quite far man~~i think my harrier fuel wouldve died on the way there~when we reach at the guardian's place...can see everyone was smiling~the guardian was nice~~and so was the uncle~~they were very cool~~~the guardian reminds me of my kakak~~haha! yea~~change clothes and wash bontot~~and feed~~and cook~~and laugh~~and~~kinda do my homework for me too~HAHAHAA!! yea i was dumb like hell last time~~mathematics also cacat man~~~~plus and minus tak tentu arah~~~the divide and times was damn hard last time~~~

well...we ate alot...and i mean ALOT! damn~~~~one plate was enough~~but two...was a bit too much~~but i finished it anyways~~good nasi lemak~~i mean it~~best i've ever tasted~all that for only 3 bucks~~but it was kinda weird...because we didnt pay~~~~still...feel a bit bad about it though~~i ate alot~~but didnt pay at all~~wow~~haha!!

so after all that eating~~we went back..but her guardian tumpang with us...she wanted to show us her house..which was close by~dam nice~~haha! and jess saw something...interesting~~she's not suppose to see that!! my god man~~and that goes for the spirit as well~ahahaha!!

the uncle praise me for getting to a place so far which i have never been before~hahahah!! perasaning~not good not good~~hehe~~after all that..we went back to jess's place~~~i didnt have time to actually bath~~so when i exited from her condo..i feel not fresh le~~haha!!

well i took the taxi to the lrt~~i chatted with the taxi man~~~he was paying his debt through some guy~~without a license~~haha! then we talked about interesting things~~~wow~~we sure talk alot~~then when i reach the lrt station and on the way to kl central~~it was ok~~nice ride as usual~~

the minute i reach kl central~~i swipe the card and went down~~only to discover that the trains all habis edi! damn!! so i terpaksa take taxi~~the uncles there were nice~~haha!! when i got into the taxi~~i chatted with the uncle~~since its gonna be a long journey~~we kind of crank things up and talk about progress in life~haha! wow did we talk alot~~~right down to asking him how many kids he have! yea he kinda complained about the money crisis he have...have to give to the kids...maintain the way they spend~~~wow man~~~haha~~well i wish him loads of luck~~

i got back home just in the nick of time...bath and then went to chat and then talk on the phone~~and then went to sleep~~~hahaah!!

today~~~yes~~today~~~i woke up~~~in a very funny kind of by jumping ot of the sofa in my sleep~~stupid man~~~damn stupid~~~~screw the dream~~~this felt real ya know~? like the time when my body was stabbed by a ghost~~damn that hurt alot~~i felt it actually pierce through my body~~geez~so i guess out of reflex~~i dodge it in this dream~~dont want it to hurt again~

i guess i'm better offnot knowing my dreams~~even though most of them seems to tell me my future~~~geez~~~~i started the day ok though~~at least started ok~~i bath and all~~then went to college to discuss things with isaac about malaysian studies~~we took...about less than an hour~~HAHAAHAAHHAHA!!! then we said "kau tim" gila man~~so short only discuss...well..what do you expect from a two man team right~? but we did pretty much ok~~dunno when will be the next discussion though~~haha~

then after that...i went back home...and i felt funny too~~while driving the car~~my body feels heavy~~it feels like my heart got pierced through~~wow~~felt like crying~~yea feel only la~~cause hati sakit like hell~~for no reason at all~~its like its crying someplace else~~so i thought~~it might be...that gal~~haha~~~damn worried la~~~its like my body can tell~~and it guessed it right~~aih~~~~i didnt eat my food finish cause i felt like puking for my body feels heavy and eyes kinda tired~~i guess the body's sixth sense is too powerful for its own good~~~
guess i got this spiritual power from my ancestors~~

i guess these powers that i recieve are from my past life~haha!! if i have one~~~though i seriously do have a fragment of it is only there in my memory~~it kinda feels funny i guess~~seeing how i die that time~my dreams are always dark i guess~~~or i just cant remember them...haha!

if my dreams were 100% real~~i mean like today~~today is only of course less than 100% but just imagine...if its full 100% i wouldve been dead right? a mental shock to the brain causing the pain i recieve in the dream is then transfered to reality~~its like a virtual game where you actually feel maybe 1% of the pain or viration and tension of the game itself~~if they manage to make gaming that interesting and fun to play with~~so if tihnking about the future~~you think they will be able to make these kind of games? of course~~~but think of the side effects~~~it will probably affects a person's brain waves and therefore altering it to evolve and therefore making humans evolve~~it will also affect a person's dream~~they may be able to dream about the future~~but how far~? aiyo...i guess i'll just end my dumb entry here la~~too long~~~too long~~~

till next time~~~bai bai~~~~~~~~~

Posted at 10:41 pm by Shinko
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Friday, September 02, 2005
trying to fry my brain~~

college has already ended...the time has come for....HOLIDAYS!!!! well....not really that joyful on the fact about the holidays...i dunno what to do during the holidays..though i have some stuff to do..but things can be done rather quickly~~

now wth to talk mind contains to many things for its own just wanna burst...i slept just now and woke up feeling cvery weird...ic ant friggin remember what i dreamt just now~~~as usual!! screw it man~~yea its my guess i gonna swear abit here and there...well..when i woke up...i felt tired..but rather refresh....but...really really pressured at the same time~~~cool huh~? NOT!!!

i feel the dream is important...something is about to happen? maybe~~~i think i dreamt fighting with a person~~not scold or anything~~more like punching...i think~~hahahah!! kinda lame~~~every night i have a dream..but ended up not remembering seems like god always dont want me to remember what i dreamt...i sometimes came up with some weird ideas...and think it may come in handy in the future...but god decided to make me forget in just a few minutes...evil man~~~ i'm gonna talk about current issues...the current crisis is hisham and usual man! hahahaha!! only this time its friggin serious~~~i gonna let my mind drive this topic up the wall~~its kinda complicated when you think of it~~~they have been friends since quanta...when hisham wanna try kau her...he found out she's with another guy~~~so he gave up on her and went after siew kheng~~

which he find it...kinda suffering after a while.....crazy man~~~the things he went through just for that girl~~yea i know...i also go through shits~~he send her letter la...follow to her alot...i also dunno what else he did ,and at that time i was also doing things on my own...busy being alone~~HAHAHAHAAHAH!!!! like an ass only when i think back~~~

he really make me used my brain alot last night~~~it took alot of my hidden energy to tihnk...once i realease will just keep on going and going and going till there is no more will power left to think...when we were talking seriously in the car..jess was in the car too~~HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

kinda funny when i think back about it...cant tell hisham she was in the was a good talk though..this bugger i dunno what will happen if never met him~~~guess he will be banging shits alone~~his shits always last damn long...but mine are just HARD~~~damn man~~~~what god wanna do with me also i dunno~~he wanna make me suffer now or whatever...just bring it on la.... to think about life...ppl think life is kinda easy...they live in a fantasy...where they never grow up and all that bullcrap...what if i never been born? i guess ppl here will live much more easier...i dont have to make my friends suffer...or become like some stupid fools...i guess life would be much different to tihnk about my current issues...heheh~~~

if i never came to sunway...jess wouldnt have to i right~? hahahaha!!! ok i tihnk i let my mind go free this time...well there are many possibilities that may happen if i not in college..jess will have a wonderful life not able to worry about anything like me....being the third wheel man~~~wow~~~aint that a grand that i have to make ppl hgurt again~~~my fault right?

maybe that person will say its not my fault again~~~yep..."again" whoa man~~~being in this condition is fine by me~~i dont mind...anything is fine~~~i tihnk of other ppl's welfare first before mine...yea..god create me this who cares la~~~i am not that friggin perfect also...a dumb ass in class...not really active i guess...i didnt get into kinda sucks..i not yet register for tennis club~~~whoa man~~~bummer~~~

now i am not myself..i tihnk~~~i nto sure...i damn blur nowe...i just let my fingers do the typing...not the brain...i just let it flow whatever it types..its just like that...its fine~~~now i am born into this life...too many responsibilities la....i took it face to face...i faced it~~~~being in a triangle aint that fun last not so bad like aslt time la....i dont force ppl to choose or whatever..unlike sufi and pris...

gila man i tell ya...super duper shit story~~~~one gal say no need to go for her..but indirectly telling me she wants me~~~and the other pressure to choose...and make a fuss....i in the end just choose sufi~~~nto with my heart~~~hahahahahah!!!!! damn dumb~~~~its stupid~~~~i think over and over again...i dont like pris....she's just too whatever on things...

now i met another person...i guess i blame god on give me another cobaan la~~~HAHAHAAHAHA!!!! of course i take it~~~and this time...i dont mind he gave me another suffereing...maybe it is a suffereing...but i dunno la! hahahaha!!! gila man....too many things i had to go think its fun ka god? does improve my mental strength to think things further...and make things better for everyone...but i get no benefit from it no? why is that? how am i gonna benefit from all this? a pot of gold will drop frmo the sky?

i think not man...the world is not that balance as it is...mana ada ying and yang? if the world is in order..than its i dunno what the frig i talking about....i guess when you wanna get something you must give back in equivalent exchange~~~its funny how the world certain parts of the world~~~certain countries are poorer~~~certain countries are rich~~~

aint that fair~? wow my life has been a roller coaster...if life is all the time happy...i think i also bored man~~~so i guess to make it more fun a ride is suppose to be..god decided to create a loop and a twirl in everyone's life...but he didnt think on how to balance it equally...i guess this is also what you call fate from the gods...or you're the one as a person create your own fate~~

life is a matter how many times you get shot must get up and face it again...even if you have no friends around you or you're just damn alone and stand on your own two feet~~~

i suffered as the mix blooded kid in the block~~~funny name and a funny do you think that makes it fair? my family wasnt rich to begin we are A-ok...i am the heir to the family name~~~its like i'm the prince man~~~sheesh~~~~funny thinking perasaning of being a prince~~i not handsome at all la...just twist my looks here and there...and just dress funny and whatever~~~i decided to go along with the suffering...trying to learn from it..i was spoiled by my parents since i was born...of course...the first born child and grandchild in the family...what do you expect?

i recieved presents such as gold....only the first born gets it...yea..thats me....i carry the name "Abang" wow...and a muslim at that....ppl say i had it easy in the kau girls business...actually no...i never say anything to kau them...i just let things come to me and i take it i guess...i dont choose...sure...other malay guys will have their day of going for a girl who is chinese~~think its easy ka now? of course not...some parents will have funny ideas and all that...they will say cant eat pork la..cant drink fun being a i right? to a certain extent i guess~~~not all parents are like that...but come on man..think...sooner or later the relationship may crumble...who think its fair?

no its not....i kena alot...even its my first ex...abit too much right? there are other ppl who suffer worse than me...but i am a fast learner la...yea..perasaning again...well...i know...who cares what other ppl think la...but i think for the good of ppl...not me....i let my self die first...i rather kill myself...if that makes ppl happy...i mean not literally..but yea...hisham said i am in this triangle again...

i told him edi...cobaan man...he told me kelvin deserve it...but i guess not la...its like bad karma man~~~but no...its not....other ppl had it worse...they think its karma..but its seriously not...the cycle is not never ending...kian guan made it out just fine~~~kok yew is also fine~~~my buddy john also is doing great with his girl~~the only one who never really tried out the relationship game is hisham~~~why i say try? well i did say i try out a relationship...and actually fall for the gal...and all that...try to jaga her...take care of her...and finally get SHOT down by kinda sucks huh?

ming yang and his girl are doing fine since form 3 man! freaking long is that? kina guan already one god man.....ppl say it wont last...but it did right? hahahahaha!!!!
see how funny life is~? kaing guan got it out just fine on the first try...aint that a breeze? no...its not...a relationship..its hard to maintain what ppl said...must be able to walk hand in hand with your partner...or whatever...must be able to appreciate..and balh blah blah...yea i think so too...

but...this doesnt mean they have to be literally husband and wife right? i mean ppl say....they dont have to be serious in relationships because its just couple here and there only...fark them la....its not so easy at all i tell ya...sure along the a few will threaten to break up....

aduh...i also dunno what my head is doing to me already....gila  man..type so damn bloody long...its complicated...i guess the blog helps me release my excessive waste of energy~~~HAHAAHAHAHHA!!!! well..i left alot of things hanging i am ok i think...not funny like before....all that dream's fault~~HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!!!!!

i think it mustve been some nightmare...but i didnt wake up from it because i am too used to it~?
ah!!!whatever la~~~my brain is already at normal and blur status...HAHAHAHA!!! till next time~~~ciowz ya'll

Posted at 06:05 pm by Shinko
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Thursday, September 01, 2005
hmmm...just a wonder

yo....i am back again with more bullcrap..i think...well i have changed the profile and layout..just to suit the blog more i guess...i changed the blog name as well as the address..ahhhh.......dunno what to say day in college has already ended...well nto exactly..but i am still in college...hahah!! typing out again...nothing to thoughts running by itself...maybe i just keep on typing till something pops up out of nowhere and start talking about the topic


i think i will just typ whatever my mind feels like thinking? at college has been ok...just that pokai~~HAHAHAHA!!! cant even afford to buy lame is that man aiyo~~hahahah!! but lucky i have enough money to buy some food...which kinda sucked...i still feel hungry~~~sheesh...hungry is evil~~~but must eat...adeh~~~

econs today was kinda ok....have to stay awake here and there to keep up with the lesson...i nearly fell a sleep...too tired i guess...speaking of tired....i slept like a log last night...but when i wake up.....i was like "wth man~~~~" felt body was heavy...i guess this goes to show...that my body's been slacking too much? HAAAHAHHAHAAH!!! after econs...i just went to the library and slept...after that was waken up by an angel~~HAHAHHAHAAHAHAA!!!!!!!! omg i just killed myself~~

after that was general paper was kinda's topic was kinda cool..but to a certain got kinda sad...i didnt know mr and mrs wong had to go through such things...and they are still teaching kids in college...i heard from david mrs wong is kinda pregnant...hope its another girl/guy genius~~not an ill child~~~~or maybe i got the wrong mrs wong~~~hahahaahha!!!!

now i dunno what else to type...since i have so much free time...i dunno what to brain is kinda dried up already~~ok..guess i stop here then~~~~tooo.....side tracked~~~HAHAAHAAHA!!!!

or just plain tired~~~bai bai minna~~~~

Posted at 07:21 pm by Shinko
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2 years later~~~~

yes!! do you know what today is? updating time~after a long two years...of not updating this blog..i finally decided to open it and crap some more about some stuff or issues or whatever....its been fun in college..a new life...and lots of new struggles over my subjects...TESTS!!!!! OMFG man~~~~they're damn hard~~ DAMN~~~*tries to copy vinodh's slang* HAHAHAH!!!

i met some cool new friends over here and i dont mind making more frkiends than ever~~things have been ok..i tihnk~~HAHAHA!! got la some funny funny tihngs here and there...alot of new things...and guess what? reading my old posts in this blog makes me sick...god knows how friggin lame i was~and i still lame as ever~~ and to my friends there...i of you will say "FARK YOU!!! this is not you typing this!!" yea yea~~gotta keep a low and good image ya?

hmmm...i've just pick up a few new skills along the way in how to play pool..badminton..and tennis~~now i have to pick up one new skill..tht is to ace my tests..which have sucky results...ugh~~~the horror man~~~~ looking back at 2003...ahhhhhh~~~such good memories~~actually F*ck that la~~~i am now laughing at some ppl's pitiful faces when they saw how much i have changed~~buahahahah!

ok...old friends who i have in college...number one on the list!! i mean the number one ass is...*drum rolls* YAU FEI!!!! fark your sorry ass la fei hai~~~can go die for all i care man~~~

ok ok...enough bullcrap...well actually there is know why ther is still more? my head is moving by itself..not literally though...its just very mixed up and screwed at the moment..too many things inside and you know what will happen? CRASH!!! BOOM BABY!!! burn~~~~~ and i dont want a certain someone to see that happen right? yea~~that person willl surely read this...and alter will ask why...why and finally...why~~~~HAHAHAHAHAHAAHH!!!!!!! but i am ok la..fine la....sihat what we islam always say~~hehehehe~~~

god i am crazy...yea my fingers are moving by itself...

i cant stop myself from typing cause its moving and moving and it just wont listen to my brain..well actually it is...but...YOU SEEE!?!? i am talking to myself in my cool is that? LAME la~~~~~

i have funny rocks in my head...tak masuk akal...well...what else to talk about? hmmm...other ppl may see me as not the mature kind of guy...but actually...i think alot and may tend to twist around with my thoughts and end up getting my brains fried up...i think complicated things..think of things ppl dont like to think~~i like cartoons~~yea so~? immature and childish right? the rest of my thoughts? its confidential~~actually its quite simple..but complicated...a lost devil as i would say...a black magician~~buahahaha~~yea whatever

well...alot of shit has happened this year...alot of bullshit..and bullcrap...and more bullcrap..such as a stolen car...a stupid selfish gf..well actually i forgive her...but...malas to help her...i dont want to tell ppl the bgiger picture in life...can you predict how your life is gonna be like? yea...some ppl can..when they already have that special soemone with them...

when you tihnk about it...why wanna plan things with that special someone that early? have FUN la!! ok in a relationship...the person must be to what my buddy always say...cannot fool around...what happen to me last time is kinda bullcrap...breaking up with the same girl 3 times is like breaking up with 3 different claims to have suffered alot...but does she ever learn from it? i think not~~maybe...just a little...yea i am a mean bastard...right now as my mind is slowly automatically typing itself~~

hmmmi think i will end brain tired already...GOD!! FINALLY!!! next topic will be on love..or relationship...or bastards...or....just about nothing and has got to do with my life~~ciow ya'll~~

Posted at 01:09 pm by Shinko
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Monday, December 29, 2003
second day of cosplay

well today is another day of cosplay..except this time i was alone when i first reach there..i went to the shop again and bought water boys for yuki cause we missed the first part of the story but only watch the end of it ^^;; well may hon reach there before rociel and she said her hair is now plastic ^^;; well i met new friends there..only one i suppose..which was teh-o ^^;; and then himitsuki came well i sort of ask her is she himitsuki..she then ask me"how do you know me?!?!" i said through internet(sweat)" and the three of them chat away..then may hon said this guy is malay(pointing to me) then teh-o and himitsuki ask"mana ic?" i was like *sweat* i let them take a look at my ic and they were like satisfy to look at it..teh-o said "you dont look like a malay to me" after all that chat rociel came in with her hinoto costume and i was amaze to see her work done..she then said it was half done *sweat* behind her look somewhat was yuki and i felt relieve she was able to make it ^^;;;; tehn cosplay,teh-o and himi go near the stage and take pictures..there were a few cosplayers which i find pretty amusing..first of all the squall and seifer.they have the battle song hook up and it sound like there was someone playing the game..and they were like moving like the characters in the soon as the battle was over(seifer won) there was this song..the victory song of ff7,me and teh-o were like"WHAT?!?!" *sweat* it was strange indeed..well soon cosplay was over and rociel was chosen as one of the finalist ^^ well i saw yuki has cahnge into her other dress and ppl were like asking "are you cosplaying?" and they snap pictures of her ^^;;;; and then this guy came up to me too and ask me the same question the other guy was asking yuki..i was asking my self "am i wearing a costume?all i wore was grey cargo pants,a shirt from japan and a bag..we then walk to mc donalds to order some food and drinks and after that we went to the anime shop..then i was asking teh guy for moonchild and he said the same thing..its out of stock..and he said the thing may come tomorrow or one few days we walk around to find some tattoo shop yuki wanna go..but we culdnt find we head to coffee bean and boguht chocolate cakes ^^;;;; and some mocha..we then head back home..the road was jam..rociel and her mom were sleeping and uncle was tired so he said he wanna drive back and yuki were blabbing all the way back to rociel's house and practically the noisiest in the car?as soon as we drop two of rociel's friends off we then head back to her house and aunty was tired and want to sleep..same goes for rociel..i tihnk her eyes sez "i miss my bed" ^^;;;;;;;; well i sms my mom to come and pick us up..we then had a few talk bout how was today in sungei wang..and then we talk bout some stuff bout some secret admirers of mine and yuki said "you are so lucky you can have this kind of talk with your mom" *sweat* Well we then go to parade and my mom want to ask some tips on knitting..and we walk down later on to buy the conditioner she always wanted after dying hair ^^;; when we reach back home..yuki was changing clothes cause she doesnt want her mom to see that she was wearing the kind of clothes her mom forbid ^^;;;;; well..we then on the comp and start yakking bout RO i guess and she was playing for a while and said she wanna hog the ps2 and play Guilty gear X2..she said her bros dunno how to do all da combo stuff and said i was some kind of pro with the buttons and all ^^;; then it was time for her to go back home..i carried my wooden sword for fun cause it was already night and dark..well we cahtted along the way and then we reach her house and she ask to step one house away..then she shout to her mom to open the gate and we wave to each other bye..i was on the way home when i saw this guy walking towards me..he cant see my face because i was using my jacket with the hood on and i was carrying my sword..the guy then turn back and walk away PRETTY fast ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;; i was laughing when i got my butt back home and told my bro bout it..ahah ^^;;

Posted at 08:02 pm by Shinko
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Sunday, December 28, 2003
cosplay is here! is cosplay..and i am not really thrill bout was going as plan when hakumaru came to da house..we then head off to yuki's house,the minute we reach there..i dunno what to do so me and him sat just across the house not knowing her parents are watching us..then we saw yuki..she was all prepared and all..then her parents was like told her not to go and then she shouted "forget it!" i was like..ok..her mom gave me and hakumaru the stare and me and him were like...frozen?then we walk off..i was dissapointed and pick up the ten cent in my pocket and throw it..i sms her sorry and then i called her when i reach home when my mom was shock to see me and hakumaru alone..i called her then..teh minute she picked up..i was like"sorry!" she said its ok and all..with that cheerful voice as usual i suppose..from there on i feel bad..i even cry while smiling on the phone talking to her..(i'm stupid to cry) well she didnt notice i went on talking ^^;;;;;; then i promise i buy her something..well bro and i were on our way to sungei wang andwhen we reach there..the place isnt completely open yet and i was like..this is we walk around a little and find ourselves not able to go ahead..we then sat at some coffee shop to wait for the place to liven the place liven up..we decided to walk around again..well i heard everyone has been talking bout the moonchild cd and was thinking of buying it for when i went there..the guy said it was sold out and they just ordered new stock for we walk down to the ground floor and watch cosplay..may hon came in to the picture and i save her a space (been fighting for it since i look like some Gangster with the clothes and hair) after cosplay..the four of us walk around aimlessly until may hon go to the anime shop to ask for moonchild..and i was like...*sweat* she was like screaming to me that some guy has boguht the last cd ^^;;; so i replied "ouh" and she said that got anothe suncomic just on floor above..and i said to her..these two are the same..they have the same stock..just that the one above is like much more wider i guess and more space to breathe..well..she didnt really listen i guess and we all followed her up and found out they have no moonchild.after that the four of us walk around and bump into may hon's mom and sis..then there she goes off to times square saying"i dont trust malaysia roller coaster!" ^^;;;; the three of us walk to teppanyaki and eat chiken rice there and then i help hakumaru get his first contacts..he got his eyes checked and the lady tried teaching him how to put on the contacts..but then she was like a bit tired of teaching we bought the contacts and the lady ask us.."you malay?" hakumaru was like "yes" then the lady ask me "so that means you are malay too right?" i answer in malay "ye kak!kenapa?tak caya ke?" i was laughing my head off when she was giving me The look.well after we get the contacts we were on our way back home..ouh and not to mention the pillow we boguht for rociel which was too weird for us to carry it around ^^;;;;;

Posted at 07:28 pm by Shinko
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Saturday, December 27, 2003
first entry?

well first  of all i would like to say sorry to sayoko for waiting such a long time to see what i am gonna post ^^;; nothign much has happen except that i am gonna watch ppl cosplay..for the past one week i have been helping rociel with her costume that i didnt have enoguh time to complete mine ^^;; so i hope that she will get first in cosplay..well yesterday we plan to see the tailor,and well..the costume is not that satisfying to pants is like too big and i tihnk she followed the wrong picture..same goes with the rest..they were all screwed up..but kenny's costume was the coolest..een thoguh its not really followed in the picture ^^;;;;;;;; er...well i nothing to talk much i will be at cosplay tomorrow..^^;;

Posted at 10:15 pm by Shinko
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The name is Tokiya~i'm just an average teenager living in a normal life..NOT!! life's been like a roller coaster~HAHAHAHAH!! hobbies..playing games..watching tv..hanging around with friends..though i have little friends now to hang out with~~hehe~~ right now i am studying in sunway college and having lotsa fun..i get to do things i never actually did before in my high school i am treating it like a come back from the dead of my so called anti social life~ well as the rest of cvan just read it out on my blog..analyze my way of typing and actually come to a conclusion as to what kind of person am i...hehe..treat it like a game to find out who am i and what am i~~thats all for now...ciowz~

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